The Victory of Miss Hyde
Dr. Jekyll's alter ego is an evil maniac. My alter ego is a procrastinating loaf of bread.
Yes, that's right. To most people, I appear to be a diligent, responsible young woman (at least I hope that's how they see me). However, when it comes to school, I morph into the afore mentioned whole-wheat slob. And I don't even have the excuse of being gluten-free. These unfortunate "episodes" usually occur as soon as I click that familiar and faux-friendly 'Google Chrome' button. My eyes develop an aversion to anything not LCD and backlit. My fingers secrete a sticky goo which glues them to the keyboard and touch pad. My facial features mold themselves into a robotic expression of utter mindlessness. Lastly, my brain casts off all rationality and begins crafting daisy chains on the grassy lawn of the Internet. This, my friends, is the horrible truth.
Like any ailment, the symptoms of my condition disappear every once in a while. For a short time, I gain hope. I make an anti-proctrastination pledge, do my schoolwork when I should, and get it done. These times feel like jumping into cool water after suffocating in the steamy stench of a sauna. I feel clean and confident. Instead, I'm being Jekyll-ed.
One day I am organized. I get most everything done that I wanted to. I go to bed at peace with the world and with myself. Then the next day, something goes wrong. I get on the computer during lunch break and instead of getting off at the end, I think, Just one more Youtube video. Just one more scroll down on Pinterest. The next thing I know, it's been an hour. I have two choices at that moment. Exit out, repent of my transgression, and begin to work on my schoolwork with renewed diligence. Or I could feel depressed and overwhelmed at my failure to get off on time, and drown my sorrows in an hour more of Youtube.
At this point, my awareness of my own stupidity is more acute than you'd imagine. It is precisely this reason that I continue procrastinating and wasting time, as irrational as it seems. My thought process goes as follows (with Miss Jekyll cast as Rational Me and Miss Hyde cast as Irrational Me):
Miss Jekyll: Oh no! Look how much time I've wasted! I need to get back to work right now.
Miss Hyde: Well, there's no use now. I've already wasted too much time. I'll never get anything done anyway. I might as well continue on.
Miss Jekyll: But there's still time... I could work on my paper...
Miss Hyde: Paper? How dare you speak to me of that abominable thing! I refuse to put myself to work on it. I don't have the energy right now.
Miss Jekyll: But if I don't work on it, I'll never get it done! And I'll hate myself later!
Miss Hyde: Nonsense. It'll get done. [note the passive voice here]
Miss Jekyll: But -
Miss Hyde: No buts! I'll do what I want, WHEN I want!
(I then proceed to waste the rest of my day slobbing on the Internet)
At 10:15 that night...
Me: I HATE MY VERY TOENAILS
And that, my friends, is the repeating tale of my life. And the worst part of it is, each time it happens, I become more convinced that I will never get better. When I think that, I lose all hope for tomorrow. When I lose hope, I lose the energy to work. When I don't work, I waste time. And the cycle begins again.
If I keep giving up to the procrastinating loaf of bread in me, I'm toast.
Yes, that's right. To most people, I appear to be a diligent, responsible young woman (at least I hope that's how they see me). However, when it comes to school, I morph into the afore mentioned whole-wheat slob. And I don't even have the excuse of being gluten-free. These unfortunate "episodes" usually occur as soon as I click that familiar and faux-friendly 'Google Chrome' button. My eyes develop an aversion to anything not LCD and backlit. My fingers secrete a sticky goo which glues them to the keyboard and touch pad. My facial features mold themselves into a robotic expression of utter mindlessness. Lastly, my brain casts off all rationality and begins crafting daisy chains on the grassy lawn of the Internet. This, my friends, is the horrible truth.
Like any ailment, the symptoms of my condition disappear every once in a while. For a short time, I gain hope. I make an anti-proctrastination pledge, do my schoolwork when I should, and get it done. These times feel like jumping into cool water after suffocating in the steamy stench of a sauna. I feel clean and confident. Instead, I'm being Jekyll-ed.
One day I am organized. I get most everything done that I wanted to. I go to bed at peace with the world and with myself. Then the next day, something goes wrong. I get on the computer during lunch break and instead of getting off at the end, I think, Just one more Youtube video. Just one more scroll down on Pinterest. The next thing I know, it's been an hour. I have two choices at that moment. Exit out, repent of my transgression, and begin to work on my schoolwork with renewed diligence. Or I could feel depressed and overwhelmed at my failure to get off on time, and drown my sorrows in an hour more of Youtube.
At this point, my awareness of my own stupidity is more acute than you'd imagine. It is precisely this reason that I continue procrastinating and wasting time, as irrational as it seems. My thought process goes as follows (with Miss Jekyll cast as Rational Me and Miss Hyde cast as Irrational Me):
Miss Jekyll: Oh no! Look how much time I've wasted! I need to get back to work right now.
Miss Hyde: Well, there's no use now. I've already wasted too much time. I'll never get anything done anyway. I might as well continue on.
Miss Jekyll: But there's still time... I could work on my paper...
Miss Hyde: Paper? How dare you speak to me of that abominable thing! I refuse to put myself to work on it. I don't have the energy right now.
Miss Jekyll: But if I don't work on it, I'll never get it done! And I'll hate myself later!
Miss Hyde: Nonsense. It'll get done. [note the passive voice here]
Miss Jekyll: But -
Miss Hyde: No buts! I'll do what I want, WHEN I want!
(I then proceed to waste the rest of my day slobbing on the Internet)
At 10:15 that night...
Me: I HATE MY VERY TOENAILS
And that, my friends, is the repeating tale of my life. And the worst part of it is, each time it happens, I become more convinced that I will never get better. When I think that, I lose all hope for tomorrow. When I lose hope, I lose the energy to work. When I don't work, I waste time. And the cycle begins again.
If I keep giving up to the procrastinating loaf of bread in me, I'm toast.
I shouldn't laugh, but believe me, it's the laughter of recognition. Did I ever tell you about the college paper I wrote about procrastination? At least you wrote on your blog - that's got to count for something, right? Let me know how I can encourage you in this struggle. p.s. love the latest blog design - very festive!
ReplyDelete*sigh* See what I mean? And thanks. Tis the season.
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